| 1 |
What did the Arab nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?“OMAN…” |
| 2 |
Did you hear they attempted Mission Impossible 8 times in a row and succeeded every single time?It should be called Mission Very Very Likely by now. |
| 3 |
Apparently the new Pope’s first question was: “Where do I get to live?”They told him, “Rome, if you want to.” |
| 4 |
A man walks into a coffee shop and asks for an Americano.Barista: “May I suggest a Canadiano instead?”Man: “What’s a Canadiano?Barista: “An Americano without the tariffs!” |
| 5 |
What did the Defense Secretary reply when more reporters wanted to be added to his Signal chatroom?“New phone. Houthis?” |
| 6 |
AI is getting so advanced that soon it’ll be able to replace 90% of jobs… except politicians.Because even AI can’t figure out how to be that useless and still get paid. |
| 7 |
What do you call a cult that is hard to get into?Difficult. |
| 8 |
What will Trump do if the Danish don’t hand over Greenland?He’s going to Nuuk them. |
| 9 |
Paris Hilton has lost her home in the LA fires.Firemen did everything they could to save her extensive home video collection. |
| 10 |
Did you hear that the Canadian Prime Minister resigned?Don’t know if it’s Trudeau. |
| 11 |
This morning a wife texted her husband and said, “You’re great”.He replied, “No, you’re great”. She’s been in a great mood ever since.Now, he’s convinced that he should correct her grammar more often. |
| 12 |
Why was I furious that I couldn’t write out 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals?Because I M LI VI D. |
| 13 |
How do you make six into nine without adding anything or rotating it?Remove the “s”. |
| 14 |
Why did the husband buy his wife a mood ring?Because it turns black when she’s annoyed… though he’s unsure if it turns any other colors! |
| 15 |
This woman accidentally changed the car’s GPS Voice to “Male.”Now it says, “It’s around here somewhere. Keep driving.” |
| 16 |
What do you get if you cut a policeman’s head into 4 pieces?Police headquarters. |
| 17 |
Aren’t you tired of trying to figure out what equals 86,400 seconds?Let’s call it a day. |
| 18 |
This man was devastated when his wife told him their 6-year-old son wasn’t actually his.Then she added that he should pay more attention at school pick-up. |
| 19 |
Why did Kamala Harris lose the election?She lacked conviction. |
| 20 |
Boy: I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.Girl: What did he say?Boy: He said, “No!” |
| 21 |
What are the four most important elements in Dad Jokes of 2025?Sulphur (S), Argon (Ar), Calcium (Ca) and Samarium (Sm). |
| 22 |
This middle-aged woman just had a physical. The doctor said, “Don’t eat anything fatty. She said, Like bacon and burgers?”“No fatty, don’t eat anything!” |
| 23 |
This employee called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” The boss exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”The employee said, “Really?! Thanks, boss, see you next week!” |
| 24 |
Did you hear about my buddy who quit his job at BMW?He of course gave no indication that he was leaving. |
| 25 |
Sheepdog says to the farmer, “I got all 50 sheep in the pen!”The farmer says to the dog, “But I only have 46 sheep.”Sheepdog replies, “I know, I rounded them up.” |
| 26 |
Why did the elephant buy a new car?Not enough trunk space! |
| 27 |
What’s 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat, and 2/4 goat?Chicago. |
| 28 |
Did you hear about the man who had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn’t strong enough?He handed in his too weak notice yesterday. |
| 29 |
A lot of women say their husbands never listen to them.I’m proud to say I’ve never heard my wife say something like that. |
| 30 |
Where do mansplainers get their water?From a “well actually.” |
| 31 |
Did you hear that my girlfriend is the square root of -100?She’s a 10, but imaginary. |
| 32 |
What do you get if you cut a policeman’s head into 4 pieces?Police headquarters. |
| 33 |
An American cat named “One Two Three” and a French cat named “Un Deux Trois” are having a swimming race. Which cat won?The One Two Three cat, because the Un Deux Trois cat sank. |
| 34 |
I just opened 3 birthday cards and so far I have 80 bucks.I love being a postman. |
| 35 |
Did you hear that they made the world’s strongest suction cup?Not quite sure how they pulled it off. |
| 36 |
If you like to tell a dad joke in 2025 and you’re not a dad, what are you?A faux pa. |
| 37 |
How do you burn 2500 calories in 20 minutes?Try forgetting to take the brownies out of the oven. |
| 38 |
Did you hear about the woman who gave her husband a long explanation about mansplaining?Guess you can call it shelaborating. |
| 39 |
Ever wonder when birds fly in a V, why is one side is longer?Because there are more birds on that side. |
| 40 |
Why should you not brush your teeth with your left hand?Because a toothbrush works better. |
| 41 |
Did you hear that cannibals aren’t picky when it comes to eating people in the military?However, they do prefer seasoned veterans. |
| 42 |
How do we know that Mike Tyson isn’t very religious?He punches people in the faith. |
| 43 |
Chris: Hey, can I borrow a ten?Kristen: SureChristen: Thank youKris: Anytime. |
| 44 |
What happens when you delete all the German names from the cellphone?It’s now Hans free. |
| 45 |
Two bacteria walk into a bar.The bartender says, “Sorry but we don’t serve bacteria here!”To which the bacteria reply with, “But we work here, we’re Staph !!” |
| 46 |
Two hats are on a hat rack.One hat says to the other, “You stay here. I’m gonna go on a head.” |
| 47 |
If the King sleeps on a king mattress, and the Queen sleeps on a queen mattress, where does the Prince sleep ?On an heir mattress. |
| 48 |
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in the 4K video?“HDMI.” |
| 49 |
“Any last words?” asks the firing squad.The prisoner answered, “I hope you boys miss me!” |
| 50 |
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?Because dawn is tough on Greece. |
| 51 |
A man saw a brunette walking her dogs. He asked, “What are your dogs’ names?”She answered, “Calvin and Klein.”The man asked, “Isn’t that a brand of underwear?”The woman said, “Exactly, they’re boxers.” |
| 52 |
What do you call a magician who really lost his magic?Ian. |
| 53 |
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood.The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type-o.” |
| 54 |
Why does ten plus ten equal eleven plus eleven?Because ten plus ten equals twenty and eleven plus eleven equals twenty too. |
| 55 |
Ever read a horror story in Braille?You can just feel something bad is going to happen. |
| 56 |
Did you hear about the man who got fired from the Pasta factory?All because he made a fusilli mistakes. |
| 57 |
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?Because your best friend gives you space when you need it. |
| 58 |
Did you know that dogs can bark up to 500 times per day?But that’s just a ruff estimate. |
| 59 |
If you sin 90 times, you’ll only get caught half of the time.Sin 90 = cot 45. |
| 60 |
Why do white girls hang out it odd numbers?Cause they literally can’t even. |
| 61 |
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter. |
| 62 |
Did you hear about the pen that writes underwater?It writes other words too. |
| 63 |
TIL that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist.Always thought he was just a theoretical physicist. |
| 64 |
Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed?Because it would blow his cover. |
| 65 |
A Polar bear walks into a bar and says “I’ll take a rum…… and a coke.” The bartender says, “What’s with the pause??”The Polar bear says, “I was born with them. Helps me grip ice well!” |
| 66 |
Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with “I.”Student: I is the…Teacher: Remember you must say “I am” not “I is.”All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. |
| 67 |
Why do they say “Amen” instead of “A woman” at the end of songs at church?Because they are hymns, not hers. |
| 68 |
How do you make number one disappear?You add a G and it’s Gone. |
| 69 |
What did the dad reply to the mom who said “I’ve had enough, I’m selling my kid on eBay”?“Don’t be silly. You made him, so sell him on Etsy.” |
| 70 |
How do you loose 10 Pounds eating a piece of cake?You just have to get your cake in central London. |
| 71 |
What do you call someone who delivers Indian food?A currier. |
| 72 |
A woman was arrested for laughing like a man.She was charged with manslaughter. |
| 73 |
What do you call a group of no cows?Un-herd of. |
| 74 |
Why is the letter “C” afraid of the rest of the alphabet?Because all the other letters are Not-Cs. |
| 75 |
The nurse hands a man his newborn and says, “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”He responds, “Well then give me the one my wife made!” |
| 76 |
What do you call a soldier with no legs?Army. |
| 77 |
Why must you wear your glasses when doing math?Because it helps with da vision! |
| 78 |
Did you know that at the time Jesus was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet?There was Noel! |
| 79 |
What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s Disease?Shakespeare. |
| 80 |
Why do astronauts use Linux?Because you can’t open windows in space. |
| 81 |
What do you call someone who chews all day?A train. |
| 82 |
What’s the difference between a Bad joke and a Dad joke in 2025?When you hear a dad joke, it’s apparent. |
| 83 |
Did you know that being blind makes you curious?It made Stevie Wonder. |
| 84 |
Why was 4 scared to ask out 5?Because 4 was 2². |
| 85 |
What do you call someone who chews all day?A train. |
| 86 |
Why can’t Atheists solve exponent questions?Because they don’t believe in a higher power. |
| 87 |
What do you call a German man with only 1 hand?Hans solo. |
| 88 |
Why is the keyboard always tired?Because it has to work two shifts. |
| 89 |
What do you call it when your dog eats your math homework?Triga nom-nom itry. |
| 90 |
An atom was crying so I’m like, “Hey little guy what’s the matter?”With tears running down its face it replied, “Well…I am.” |
| 91 |
What do you call the rear end of a banana?The bananus. |
| 92 |
Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?Because they’ll wash up on the shore later. |
| 93 |
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. |
| 94 |
In Spanish, there’s lots of words that start with J, but the next letter has very few and I don’t understand why.Poor K. |
| 95 |
What did Super Mario say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?“It’s not you but, ITS-A-ME MARIO!” |
| 96 |
Why is He called Martin Luther King Jr?Shouldn’t he be just called Martin Luther Prince instead. |
| 97 |
What do you call a unicorn that’s had its horn removed?Eunuchorn. |
| 98 |
Police Officer: Why are you driving around with a book in your hands?Driver: It’s a long story… |
| 99 |
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?A Slipper. |
| 100 |
Why is the letter A like a flower?Beecause a B comes after it. |
| 101 |
What type of doctor is Dr Pepper?A Fizzician. |
| 102 |
Why do beavers never go on strike?Because they do their dam job. |
| 103 |
What do you call a whale that is mad?A Stern Whale. |
| 104 |
What’s the difference between a married woman and a grenade?Remove the ring from one and half of your house goes away. |
| 105 |
Why is bowling the quietest sport there is?You can hear a pin drop. |
| 106 |
What do you call an Indian who doesn’t live in India?Outdian. |
| 107 |
Why is money called dough?Because we all knead it. |
| 108 |
If a letter is mail, what’s a bill?Fee mail. |
| 109 |
Why did the computer get fat?Because it accepted too many cookies! |
| 110 |
What do you call a werewolf with a YouTube channel?A lycansubscribe. |
| 111 |
Why are men more patriotic than women?Because they were born with the pro-state gland. |
| 112 |
What 11-letter English word is always pronounced incorrectly?Incorrectly. |
| 113 |
Why do male ants float better than female ants?Because they are buoyant. |
| 114 |
What’s the difference between a divorce and a dad joke in 2025?My wife didn’t tell me she wanted a dad joke. |
| 115 |
Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.Einstein: Tell me what you need. I’m here to help.Wife: I just need two things right now: some space and time.Einstein: Ok, so what’s the second thing? |
| 116 |
What exam do 100% of women fail?A prostate exam. |
| 117 |
Why did the girl who was into archery want to date the guy she bought her archery supplies from?Because he made her quiver. |
| 118 |
What do you call a fruit that magically shows up?A pear. |
| 119 |
Why are skeletons so calm?Nothing gets under their skin. |
| 120 |
Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water?Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.Teacher: How did you get that?Student: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O. |
| 121 |
What do you call twin police officers?Copies. |
| 122 |
Why did the crab cross the road?He didn’t. He used the sidewalk. |
| 123 |
What do you call someone who only makes iced coffees?A Brrrrrista. |
| 124 |
Do you know why milk is the fastest liquid?It’s pasteurized before we can even see it. |
| 125 |
What’s the longest word in the English language?Smiles. The first and the last letters are a ‘mile’ apart. |
| 126 |
Look, I don’t want to sound conceited, but when I left the hotel.I’m pretty sure that receptionist was checking me out. |
| 127 |
Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory?There was nothing left but deBrie. |
| 128 |
Michael Jackson did put out some very good albums.But I think we all agree his 7th album was Bad. |
| 129 |
Did you know you cannot tell the complete history of Japan?You can only Samurais it. |
| 130 |
Why did the dad sit on the clock?Because he wanted to be on time! |
| 131 |
What do you name a woman who burns all her bills?Bernadette. |
| 132 |
What do you call a cow spying on another cowA steak out. |
| 133 |
Muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven.Eulgffins spelled backwards is what you do for a fun Wednesday afternoon. |
| 134 |
What do you call two doctors in the same room?A paradox. |
| 135 |
When you are young, you have two kidneys.Then when you grow up, you have two adult knees. |
| 136 |
What do you call a color that doesn’t exist?A pigment of your imagination. |
| 137 |
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?“Are you having a crisis?” |
| 138 |
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?He was lucky it was a soft drink. |
| 139 |
What’s green, has six legs, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?A billiard table. |
| 140 |
Did you hear about the Japanese man who gave his pigeon Marijuana?He heard a high-coo. |
| 141 |
What do you get when you eat Uranium?Atomic Ache! |
| 142 |
What did they yell at Edgar Allen Poe when he nearly walked into a tree?“POETRY!” |
| 143 |
What do you call it when you beat someone up with instruments?Violins. |
| 144 |
What did the 0 say to O?“Ohio!” |
| 145 |
How did the hamburger introduce his new girlfriend?“Meat Patty.” |
| 146 |
What’s a 10-letter word that starts with g-a-s?Automobile. |
| 147 |
A girl called her father. “Daddy, I have a flat tire.”“Did you call your boyfriend?”“He didn’t answer.”“Do you have a spare?”“He didn’t answer, either.” |
| 148 |
What do you call a bunch of cucumbers in a row?Queuecumbers. |
| 149 |
Did you hear about the guy that ran into a window?He was in a lot of pane. |