| 1 |
How do strippers celebrate July 4th?With liberty and just t*ts for all. |
| 2 |
How can you tell there’s a gay guy at your 4th of July barbecue?All the hot dogs taste like sh*t. |
| 3 |
How do hookers celebrate the 4th of July?With a bang. |
| 4 |
What did the husband say to his wife on the Fourth of July?“Don’t worry if you’re only wearing stripes because I’ll make you see stars tonight.” |
| 5 |
A kid asks his mom why he’s getting Christmas presents in July.The mom replies, “Because its cheaper than chemotherapy.” |
| 6 |
What has more explosions than the 4th of July?Iran during New Year’s Eve. |
| 7 |
Did you know there’s a trick to sense autistic people?They usually yell out “Hello. It’s July.” from far away. |
| 8 |
What are the four best F words ever?“Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!“ |
| 9 |
What’s red, white, black, and blue?Uncle Sam falling down the stairs. |
| 10 |
How’s a hooker like George Washington?They both have wood in their mouth. |
| 11 |
What did the pr*stitute say to make her American client h*rny?“I look like a school, don’t I? How about you shoot some kids inside me!” |
| 12 |
On the 4th of July, a husband exclaims to his wife, “Your butt is getting really big. It’s bigger than the BBQ grill!”Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks.She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?” |
| 13 |
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?A Fire Cracker! |
| 14 |
What do you call it when Sebastian Stan, George Washington, and a male deer all cum on a chicken’s face?“Bucky-buck-buck-bukkake.” |
| 15 |
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?Laughayette. |
| 16 |
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend on the 4th of July?“I’m not spending money for fireworks, I’ll just bang you.” |
| 17 |
A man was wandering around a 4th of July Carnival and he happened to see a fortuneteller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh; he went inside and sat down.As the lady fortuneteller gazed into her crystal ball she said, “AhHa – I see you are the father of two children.”Not impressed, the man scornfully said, “That’s what you think. “I’m the father of THREE children.”In response, the fortune teller cheerfully smiled and said, “That’s what YOU think!” |
| 18 |
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?The Americans licked the British! |
| 19 |
What’s the funniest 4th July pickup line?“Are you the 4th of July? Cause I’m feeling fireworks between us.” |
| 20 |
What do you call a bl*wjob from George Washington?Worst splinter ever. |