| 1 |
50 rowdy drunk Canadians are celebrating Canada Day in a pool. How do you get them out of the pool?You ask them to please get out of the pool. |
| 2 |
Yo mama so Canadian, she thanks a police officer for a ticket. |
| 3 |
Did you know there are no smiles in Canada?Only skilometers. |
| 4 |
You may not believe that today is Canada’s 158th Birthday…It’s Trudeau… |
| 5 |
Knock, knock.(Who’s there?)Canada.(Canada who?)Can Ada come and play please mum? |
| 6 |
For the Americans who are laughing at Canada Day jokes, someday, Canada will take over the world.And then you’ll all be sorry. |
| 7 |
How do you get a Canadian to apologize?Step on his foot. |
| 8 |
What do the Canadians do everytime they hear a mean Canada Day joke from Americans?They go to the hospital and get their feelings checked for free. |
| 9 |
Yo mama so polite, Canadians say sorry to her. |
| 10 |
On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, “Today we’re creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife.”“Sir,” interjected an archangel, “aren’t you being overly generous to these Canadians?”“Don’t worry, I’ll balance it out,” said God. “Wait ’till you see the neighbors I’m giving them.” |
| 11 |
How does a beaver greet another beaver?Ma’Dam. |
| 12 |
Did you hear about the guy that had a map of Canada tattooed on his ass?Everytime he sits down, Quebec separates. |
| 13 |
Yo mama so Canadian, your birth was covered by health care. |
| 14 |
Did you hear about Justin Trudeau’s announcement on Canada Day?Canada, the United States, and Mexico are going to make a treaty. They are going to call it the CUM Pact. |
| 15 |
What’s a Canadian?It is an unarmed North American with health insurance. |
| 16 |
Knock, knock.(Who’s there?)Sorry.(No I’m sorry.)No I’m sorry. |
| 17 |
Did you know pirates are considered indigenous people in Canada?It’s because they arrrrr métis. |
| 18 |
What’s the best way to kill a one-legged fox?You make it run across Canada. |
| 19 |
Yo mama so Canadian, she sends “you’re welcome” cards in response to “thank you” notes. |
| 20 |
Why do Canadians like doggy style?So they can both watch the Canada Day noon show. |
| 21 |
Two Canadians die and go to hell.Satan puts them in their own cell and turns up the heat to 49C, figuring that’s a good temperature to start newcomers. He comes back a while later to find the Canadians shirtless but smiling.“It never gets this warm in Canada we’re enjoying it while it lasts.” One of them explains when a mystified Satan asks why they aren’t miserable.Angry, Satan turns up the heat to 60C figuring nobody could ever enjoy that. But lo and behold he returns to their cell and sees that a bunch of other Canadians have turned up and are having a cookout.Furious, Satan decides to try a different tactic and instead turns the thermostat all the way down to -20C, and all of hell freezes over.Cackling, Satan visits their cell and finds the Canadians having a roaring party.“HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY!?!” He demands.“The Maple Leafs just won the Stanley Cup!” The Canadians shout triumphantly. |
| 22 |
What is your funniest Canada Day wish?“May your Canada Day be full of whatever Canadians like to do in their spare time.” |
| 23 |
Why is the Hockey Hall Of Fame situated in Toronto?So that Leafs fans can remember what a Stanley cup looks like. |
| 24 |
Yo mama so Canadian, she apologized to a store mannequin for bumping into it. |
| 25 |
How do you get a Canuck to apologize on Canada Day?Step on their foot. |
| 26 |
How did Canada get its name?They figured out the fairest way to name their country was to pull letters out of a hat. So they gathered around and a guy started pulling letters.Pulls a letter “C, eh.”Pulls another “N, eh.”Pulls another “D, eh.”And that’s how Canada got its name. |
| 27 |
How do Canadians wish each other on 1st July?“Please accept my mildest excitement on this Canada Day.” |
| 28 |
In a Canada Day party, how do you get the bacon to stop curling in the pan?You take away the broom. |
| 29 |
Yo mama so Canadian, she parks her car in the back of the lot to allow everyone else a closer spot. |
| 30 |
On Canada Day, the government is planning a mission to the moon.They’re calling our spaceship the Apollo-G. |
| 31 |
Knock, knock.(Who’s there?)Snow.(Snow who?)Snow big deal. We’re celebrating Canada Day! |
| 32 |
Yo mama so Canadian, she stays with the last kid at practice to make sure he gets home safe. |
| 33 |
Did you hear about a Mexican-Canadian pimp business nabbed by the police in July?Its called, “Hoes, eh?” |
| 34 |
A Canadian asks an American to watch a movie together on the 1st of July.American: Have you seen the Titanic?Canadian: What’s that about?American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank. |
| 35 |
Why do Canucks always win at Canada Day Party Games?Because they never fail to bring their ‘eh’ game! |
| 36 |
How much of northern Canada is inhabitable?Nunavut. |
| 37 |
Knock, knock.(Who’s there?)Yukon.(Yukon who?)Yukon see the Northern Lights from here! |
| 38 |
Canada could have had the best of three worlds.They could have had American technology, French cuisine, and British culture.Instead, they have French technology, British cuisine, and American culture. |
| 39 |
Why do Canadian women use hockey pucks instead of tampons?Because they last for 3 periods. |
| 40 |
Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexadecimal?Because 7 8 9 A. |