| 1 |
Did you know that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet during Christmas?No-el. |
| 2 |
What part of the present is musical?The wrapping paper! |
| 3 |
Why does the Grinch hate knock knock jokes?Because it’s always Who’s there. |
| 4 |
What do you call someone who isn’t sure whether Santa exists or not?Eggnogstic. |
| 5 |
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 6 |
Why did the snowman go to the garden?To pick his nose. |
| 7 |
Why didn’t Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?Because he was on the Nautilus. |
| 8 |
Why is Santa good at karate?He has a black belt. |
| 9 |
Who is never hungry at Christmas?The turkey, he’s always stuffed. |
| 10 |
Why many don’t see much future for Advent Calendars?It feels like their days are numbered. |
| 11 |
What’s Santa Claus’ net worth?Eight bucks. |
| 12 |
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?“It’s Christmas, Eve.” |
| 13 |
Why do shepherds never laugh at a joke?They’ve herd it all before. |
| 14 |
What nationality is Santa?North Polish. |
| 15 |
What is a good name for a nun in Heaven?If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong. The answer is “Nun of the Above”. |
| 16 |
How did Rudolph do on his report card?He went up in Math and down in History. |
| 17 |
How do elves measure their height?In Santa-meters! |
| 18 |
How fast did the Grinch’s sled go?Max speed. |
| 19 |
Do you know why the gates of heaven are always left open?Because Jesus was raised in a barn! |
| 20 |
Which of Santa’s reindeer were the dinosaurs most scared of?Comet of course. |
| 21 |
What do vampires put on their turkeys at Christmas?Grave-y. |
| 22 |
What did the angel say when he picked up the phone?“Halo!” |
| 23 |
What do you call someone who gives out soda on Christmas?Fanta Clause. |
| 24 |
What happens to you at Christmas?Yule be happy. |
| 25 |
How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch. |
| 26 |
Did you hear about Santa’s elf who shoots rockets from his feet?His name is Missile Toe. |
| 27 |
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?The abdominal snowman! |
| 28 |
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?Black mail. |
| 29 |
How do you hide a new video game before Christmas?You put the cartridge in a pear tree. |
| 30 |
Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?Because he had low elf-esteem. |
| 31 |
What is the Grinch’s favorite musical group?The Who. |
| 32 |
What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?You get tinsel-itus. |
| 33 |
Who’s Santa’s favorite female pop star?Beyon-Sleigh. |
| 34 |
What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?A broken drum. Why? Because you can’t beat it. |
| 35 |
Why don’t you ever see Santa in a hospital?Because he has private elf care! |
| 36 |
If Jesus were alive today, what kind of car would he drive?A Chrysler! |
| 37 |
How do angels light a candle?With a match made in heaven. |
| 38 |
What did the owl say after putting the Santa hat on?“HOO HOO HOO!” |
| 39 |
Why does eggnog only come out around Christmas?Because it takes all year to milk the eggs. |
| 40 |
Why wasn’t the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree?Because of ‘elf and safety restrictions. |
| 41 |
What do you call an elf who ran away from Santa’s workshop?A rebel without a Claus. |
| 42 |
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?Horn-aments. |
| 43 |
What US state has the most Christmas spirit?Idaho-ho-ho! |
| 44 |
Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?Because every buck is dear to him. |
| 45 |
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?Saint Nickel-less. |
| 46 |
What do you call an angry candy cane?A Christmas Ornery-mint! |
| 47 |
Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t talk about it?John 12:49 “I have not spoken of my own Accord”. |
| 48 |
What did the bald dad say after receiving a comb for Christmas?“I will never part with this.” |
| 49 |
Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?Rude-olph. |
| 50 |
What do you call a dairy messiah?Cheesus Christ. |
| 51 |
What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?Silent Night. |
| 52 |
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?He looks at his calen-deer. |
| 53 |
What do you call an ant who refuses to sing Christmas carols?A humbug! |
| 54 |
Why did the airport have mistletoe at check-in?So you could kiss your luggage goodbye. |
| 55 |
Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?They are Santa’s star bucks. |
| 56 |
What sport did Jesus play?Lacrosse! |
| 57 |
Why do pies like mistletoe?Because they like to pukka up. |
| 58 |
Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?Elf-is Presley. |
| 59 |
Why do bees stay in their hive in the winter?‘Swarm. |
| 60 |
Why don’t therapists go on holidays?It’s a lot to unpack. |
| 61 |
What does Santa clean his sleigh with?Santa-tizer! |
| 62 |
What do gingerbread men use when they break their legs?Candy canes. |
| 63 |
My candy cane collection is worth a fortune.It’s in mint condition. |
| 64 |
Why wouldn’t that kid play catch with Santa Claus?He had Clausthrowphobia. |
| 65 |
How does Jesus make his coffee?Hebrews it. |
| 66 |
What do elves learn at school?ELF-ABET. |
| 67 |
What do you call a ghost that haunts Santa?A polargeist. |
| 68 |
Why do geese fly south for the winter?It’s much easier and faster than walking. |
| 69 |
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite. |
| 70 |
There was an accident at Santa’s workshop and a bookcase collapsed.Now there’s a shelf on an elf. |
| 71 |
Why can’t skeletons play church music?They don’t have any organs. |
| 72 |
What do you call a Christmas Tree that knows Kung Fu?Spruce Lee. |
| 73 |
Do you guys know how much Santa paid for all his reindeer?Nothing, they were on the house. |
| 74 |
What do you call it when a snowman loses his temper?A meltdown. |
| 75 |
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible winter.And that sucks because he had a great fall. |
| 76 |
What happens when Santa’s GPS stops working?He becomes a lost Claus. |
| 77 |
What do you call an old snowman?A jug of water. |
| 78 |
Who was the meanest reindeer to Rudolph?Olive. Because Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names. |
| 79 |
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?Santa Jaws. |
| 80 |
What do Frosty the Snowman and Alexander the Great have in common?Their middle name. |
| 81 |
What do you call a dog in the winter?A chili dog. |
| 82 |
How did Santa build a house at the North Pole without any nails?Iglooed it! |
| 83 |
Why didn’t Frosty the Snowman get married?He got cold feet. |
| 84 |
What did Jesus say to the folks who refused to read the Bible?You win psalm, you lose psalm. |
| 85 |
What does a snowman bring to the barbecue?Brrrrrr-gurs. |
| 86 |
Who is the only reindeer Sylvester Stallone is afraid of?RuDolph Lundgren. |
| 87 |
What do you call a sick person who hates Christmas?Ebesneezer Scrooge. |
| 88 |
What’s green, covered in tinsel, and goes, “Ribbet, ribbet”?Mistle-toad. |
| 89 |
What did Santa Claus say when his reindeer asked for a raise?“Frankly my deer, I don’t give a dime!” |
| 90 |
What’s it called when Batman skips church?Christian Bale. |
| 91 |
Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison?Treeson. |
| 92 |
What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?One’s slayin’ a dragon, and the other’s draggin’ a sleigh. |
| 93 |
Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town?He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn. |
| 94 |
What do laser guns and churches have in common?Pew. |
| 95 |
Did you know that Spiderman has a winter jacket made entirely of Mediterranean flatbread?It’s a Pita Parka. |
| 96 |
Why should you stand in the corner when it’s cold?It’s 90 degrees. |
| 97 |
Did you hear about the thief who stole an Advent calendar?His days are numbered. |
| 98 |
Why did the gelatin hate the pudding?Because they were jell-os. |