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Funny Helen Keller Jokes That Are Dark

1	Who is Helen Keller?A source of inspiration and hope in her time. While a source of bad jokes in Internet time.
2	What’s the name of Helen Keller’s favorite song?Come on, Feel the Noise!
3	Why were Helen Keller’s fingers purple?Because she heard it through the grapevine.
4	The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.They called the song “Helen Keller”.
5	Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.
6	Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?So you can read her lips!
7	Did you hear about the man who invested 300 hours into the “Helen Keller Simulator?”Later, he realized that his TV was unplugged.
8	Which celebrity has never scored a point in Basketball?Helen Keller.
9	What was Helen Kellers favorite candy?Skittles. Can’t see the rainbow, but at least she can taste it.
10	What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?The waffle iron.
11	Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set?Neither did she.
12	Why did Helen Keller have holes in her face?She ate with a fork.
13	What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing Pin the tail on the donkey?Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
14	What happened when Helen Keller ran away from home?She got lost in the backyard.
15	Who invented the phrase “once you go black you never go back?”Helen Keller.
16	Why did Helen Keller break up with her boyfriend?She couldn’t see things working out.
17	Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?She was drunk.
18	Why was Helen Keller into LSD?Because she heard from someone that LSD makes you see thing.
19	Cop: Do you know how fast you were going back there?Helen Keller: Honestly I didn’t even know I was in a car.
20	Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?It scares the shit out of her dog.
21	How did Helen Keller try to kill the bird?She threw it off a cliff.
22	How does Hellen Keller meet men?She goes on blind dates.
23	Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
24	Why was Helen Keller’s leg always yellow?Her dog was blind too.
25	Why does Helen Keller mast*rbate with one hand?So she can moan with the other.
26	What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color?Corduroy.
27	What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?Endless love.
28	Helen Keller walks into a bar.Then into a chair and then into a table.
29	What do you call Helen Keller punching someone?Senseless violence.
30	How did Helen Keller drive?With one hand on the wheel and one hand on the road.
31	Why a flashbang would be completely ineffective against Helen Keller?Because she’s dead.
32	Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge?She was wearing mittens.
33	Did you know Hellen Keller had a pool?Neither did she.
34	Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama.
35	Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand?Because she uses the other one to sing.
36	Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?You’d run away too if your name was HHNNGHGNNGGNGNH.
37	How did Helen Keller break her arm?You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
38	How did Helen Keller break her arm?You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
39	Why did Helen Keller fire her maid?Cause she left the plunger in the toilet.
40	How do you tell Helen Keller a joke?Not this way.
41	Did you hear about Helen Keller’s dating life?Because she wasn’t seeing anyone.
42	What did Helen Keller’s mother do when Hellen said a bad word?She washed her hands with soap.
43	What do you call a serial killer who’s deaf and blind?Helen Killer.
44	What did Helen Keller’s parents do to punish her?Moved the couch.
45	What’s Helen Keller’s least favorite song?Sound and vision.
46	How do you know when Helen Keller is home?When you hear somebody falling down the stairs.
47	Why is Helen Keller’s belly button bruised?Her boyfriend is blind too.
48	Which mail does Helen Keller use to connect with her friends and family?Blackmail.
49	Why did the others think that Helen Keller was a rude baby?She never played peek-a-boo.
50	Why does Helen Keller hate winters?Her hands get so cold that she can barely speak.
51	Why made Helen Keller angry?Someone suggested she look at the bright side of things.
52	Why was Helen Keller late to reach home after school?She didn’t hear the bell ring.
53	Why did Helen Keller didn’t make the football team?Apparently, ‘blind side’ doesn’t mean what she thought it did.
54	Why do people get offended by Helen Keller jokes?In fact, Helen Keller wouldn’t know if someone cracked it in front of her.
55	How do you mess with Helen Keller?Superglue doorknobs all over the walls.
56	Why was Helen a rebellious kid?She didn’t hear a word her parents told her.
57	What type of parties did Helen Keller organize?Blackout parties.
58	Why was Helen Keller arrested for s*xual assault?She was trying to read somebody’s body language.
59	Interviewer: Helen, can you describe your friends in a word?Helen Keller: Quite.
60	What would John Cena say to Helen Keller?You can’t see me!
61	What is Helen Keller favorite’s day?Black Friday.
62	Why was Helen Keller’s life like a box of chocolates?It was dark.
63	What does Helen Keller call the closet?Disneyworld.
64	Why did Helen Keller only wear skirts on dates?So that other deaf men could read her lips.
65	Who never cheated in the game Heads up, seven up?Helen Keller.
66	What did Helen Keller say when she was given a cheese grater?“This is the most violent book I’ve ever read.”
67	Why did Helen Keller burn her face with an iron?Because the phone rang.
68	Why did she burn it a second time?They called back.
69	Why did Helen Keller never show up for court hearings?She lost her hearing.
70	What do you call Helen Keller’s deaf dog?It makes no difference; it can’t hear you anyway.
71	Why did Helen Keller like to date guys with herpes?So she could jerk them off in braille.
72	Why can’t Helen Keller have babies?Because she’s dead.
73	Has anyone here actually read any of Helen Keller’s writings?My favorite is the last one “around the house in 80 days.”
74	How do you mess with Helen Keller?Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
75	How did Helen Keller discover mast*rbation?Reading her own lips.
76	What’s the favorite fact about Helen Keller?She could communicate with dead people. They even made a movie about it called The Fourth Sense.
77	How did Helen Keller know something bad was about to happen?She could feel it while reading a book to her family.
78	What’s the best way to get back at Hellen Keller?Go over to her house and move all the furniture around.
79	What are your expectations from a Helen Keller movie?10 hours of black.
80	What’s the fastest thing on dry land?Helen Keller’s speedboat.
81	Why did Helen Keller not get the joke about the fishes?Because she didn’t have aqueous humor.
82	What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach?The volleyball net.
83	Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?They’re painful to look at.
84	Roses are black.Violets are black.I’m Helen Keller.Everything’s black.
85	Why was Helen Keller so good at golf?She was a 2 handicap.
86	What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?A referee.
87	The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.
88	Why does everyone enjoy having Helen Keller at bondage parties?She can never say the safe word.
89	Helen Keller once farted during a lecture on genetic hearing loss…The science in the room was deafening.
90	When does Helen Keller know to stop wiping?Once the toilet paper stops tasting funny.
91	Did you know Helen Keller invented the studs d*ldo?So she could read and mast*rbate at the same time.