| 1 |
Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?Because he’s not a planet. |
| 2 |
What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse?The hell out of there. |
| 3 |
What is Goofy’s favorite brand of shoes?Hyuck Taylors. |
| 4 |
How did Minnie save Mickey from drowning?Mouse to mouse resuscitation. |
| 5 |
A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician, and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters. |
| 6 |
What kind of car does Mickey Mouse drive?A Minnie Van. |
| 7 |
What do you need in order to make Mickey Mouse bread?Orlandough. |
| 8 |
What is the opposite of minimize?Mickey mize. |
| 9 |
Mickey Mouse: Doc, my knees hurt!Doctor: Which knee?Mickey: Disney. |
| 10 |
Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter?It Disney land. |
| 11 |
What is Minnie Mouse’s father’s name?Massive Mouse. |
| 12 |
Who is Mickey Mouse’s bully?Meanie Mouse. |
| 13 |
What did Mickey Mouse say to the Dr. when he hurt his leg?“Disney hurts!!” |
| 14 |
In 2018, the US president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, “Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?”Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout…… Donald, duck!” |
| 15 |
Why is Mickey Mouse’s helicopter no use in Scotland?Disneyland. |
| 16 |
Who is Goofy’s favorite actress?Selma HYUCK. |
| 17 |
Why did Mickey Mouse need a club?To make Donald Duck. |
| 18 |
Did you hear someone shoot Mickey Mouse?It was character assassination. |
| 19 |
The blonde’s computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital.So she made it “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany.” |
| 20 |
An unemployed man saw an ad in the newspaper asking for a Disneyland cop. He immediately goes to apply for the job.“If you want to work at Disneyland,” says the job agent, “you must show your knowledge of Disney by answering these questions. Question number one: what kind of animal is Mickey?”“A dog?” guesses the guy.“I’m sorry,” says the agent, “but the correct answer is, a mouse. Question number two: how many dwarves live with Snow White?”“Three?”“I’m sorry, but the correct answer is, seven. Question number three: who killed Mufasa?”The guy just stands in the office for a few minutes, not saying anything.“If you want,” says the agent, “you can go home and think about it there.”On his way home, the guy thinks to himself, “This is great! Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!” |
| 21 |
What do you call an Irish-Canadian?Mickey Moose. |
| 22 |
Why does Mickey Mouse make his wife do all the chores around the house?Because Minnie hands make light work! |
| 23 |
If Mickey has one girlfriend and decides to add another, how many girlfriends does Mickey have?Two Minnie. |
| 24 |
What did Goofy say when he got shot in the nuts by a soccer ball?F’yuck. |
| 25 |
“Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?” A kid asked his father.“Erm, I don’t know,” the father replied.“Mickey Mouse,” the kid replied laughing.“Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs,” he asked again.“Donald Duck” the father replied.“No, all ducks you idiot!” |
| 26 |
What’s wrong with Mickey Mouse’s helicopter?Disneyland. |
| 27 |
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?Ministop. |
| 28 |
What does a drink from Bill Cosby have in common with Disney films?Well, they both have hidden mickeys in them. |
| 29 |
Mickey Mouse is in court, trying to get a divorce from Minnie.“Mr. Mouse”, says the judge, “I’m afraid you can’t get a divorce just because your wife is a little strange.”“I didn’t say she was a little strange, I said she was f*cking Goofy.” |
| 30 |
Why did Mickey Mouse get a pie on his face?Because Donald ducked! |
| 31 |
What did Minnie Mouse name her child?Minimum Mouse. |
| 32 |
Mickey wakes up one February morning to see that it snowed the night before. However, he sees that someone has written “MICKEY SUCKS” in urine in the snow on his front yard.He calls the police and they come over and investigate.The lead detective comes over and says, “Well, Mr. Mouse, we ran some tests and we’ve go some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is, we tested the urine, and its Goofy’s.”So Mickey says, “Well what’s the worse news?”The detective says, “It was in Minnie’s handwriting.” |
| 33 |
What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?A Mickey Mousacre. |
| 34 |
What’s the similarity between Mickey Mouse and Pennywise?They both wear gloves, They both make children smile, but only one of them molests a child backstage. |
| 35 |
What do you call a brothel owned by Disney?The Mickey Mouse Whore-House. |
| 36 |
Why did Mickey Mouse get arrested?He was obsessed with talking to children. |