| 1 |
Well, I guess we are going to see “The Nutcracker” this Christmas!Our mother-in-laws, not the play. |
| 2 |
What ballet are men afraid of?The Nutcracker. |
| 3 |
Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through?The Nutcracker. |
| 4 |
What kind of tea should you drink when watching the Nutcracker?Chai-kovsksy. |
| 5 |
What is the most painful Russian dance?Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker. |
| 6 |
Why did the nutcracker cross the road?To get his nuts. |
| 7 |
Yo mama so tough, when she watches ‘The Nutcracker,’ it’s the nuts that crack in fear! |
| 8 |
Where did the Nutcracker go to the bathroom?In the peecan. |
| 9 |
Who is the undersea monster who comes out in the winter and eats innocent almonds and pistachios?The NutKRAKEN! |
| 10 |
What did the Nutcracker say when he found the perfect Christmas present?“It’s ‘crack-tacular’!” |
| 11 |
What did the Nutcracker say after defeating the Mouse King?“That was a cracking good battle!” |
| 12 |
What do you call a white person in an insane asylum?A Nutcracker. |
| 13 |
What’s a nutcracker’s favorite food?Crackers. They’re nuts for them. |
| 14 |
Why did the husband buy his wife a nutcracker for Christmas?He figured after all these years breaking his balls manually she deserves it. |
| 15 |
Has anyone heard of the famous polish nutcracker?It’s really great to krakowpen nuts. |
| 16 |
What do you call a lobster with a nutcracker?A castration crustacean. |
| 17 |
What is the worst Christmas present for men?A nutcracker. |
| 18 |
Why are those little Christmas figurines called “Nutcrackers?”They’re not painted black. |
| 19 |
What happens when you kick your cousin at Christmas?From then onwards, they will call you, “Nutcracker.” |
| 20 |
There was a man who became the karate champion on Christmas Day…So he decided to go by the name, “The Nutcracker.” |
| 21 |
The 8th grade class was going to see the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center and they asked each individual kid if he or she wanted to go.One girl declined, saying, “I could see my squirrel do it.” |
| 22 |
Why did the ballet instructor make her students practice The Nutcracker so often?To keep them on their toes. |
| 23 |
What do you call sheep who perform The Nutcracker?Baaaah-lerinas. |
| 24 |
What did the nutcracker say to the chestnut?“You’re busted.” |
| 25 |
Why are nutcrackers gay?Because they are constantly busting nuts. |
| 26 |
Why does your mom guard the house?Because she is a nutcracker. |
| 27 |
What show does a squirrel see on Christmas Day?The Nutcracker. |
| 28 |
What do you call a nutcracker whose pants keep falling down?A buttcracker. |
| 29 |
What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?A nutcracker. |
| 30 |
How do you know when a nutcracker is telling a joke?When he starts with, “Knock, knock, who’s there? ‘Cashew’!” |