| 1 |
Why don’t the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes. |
| 2 |
Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt?Because he doesn’t want to be spotted. |
| 3 |
What do you call a pile of dress shirts that need to be ironed in the next ten minutes?A pressing concern. |
| 4 |
Remember the kid who went on to make his own James Bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt?He had No Time To Dye. |
| 5 |
What kind of shirts do Brits wear?Tea-shirts. |
| 6 |
Why does everyone in the Marvel Cinematic Universe wear wrinkled shirts?Because they lost their Iron, Man. |
| 7 |
A neighborhood kid joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was to wearing a “go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks. So far he has been beaten, spitted on, and yelled at.We wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house. |
| 8 |
Did you hear about the kid who made his father a shirt which spelled “Wrld’s best dad”?But he needs to get his shit together and understand that his father has a sweatshop to run. |
| 9 |
Girlfriend: I am breaking up with you because of your addiction to wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.Boyfriend: Wait! I can change. |
| 10 |
Why is T-Shirt short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt?Because of the short arms. |
| 11 |
Remember the guy the other day wearing a Let’s Go Brandon T-shirt?It was nice to see someone representing the LGBTee community. |
| 12 |
Girlfriends are always stealing their boyfriend’s shirts and sweaters.But if their boyfriends take one of their dresses, suddenly “we need to talk.” |
| 13 |
What’s the worst part of ripping your favorite shirt?Having to choose between .MP3 and .FLAC. |
| 14 |
Do you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt?It says, “The right to bare arms shall not be infringed.” |
| 15 |
Remember the fat dude we saw with a Guess shirt on?One of the people approached him and said, ” 380lbs?!” |
| 16 |
What do you call Neil deGrasse Tyson with no shirt on pouring champagne all over himself?An astrofizzytits. |
| 17 |
What is the funniest shirt quote?“Give a man a shirt, and he’ll wear it once. Tell a man he looks good in it, and he’ll wear it for a lifetime” |
| 18 |
On my first day of flying lessons, the girl looked down anxiously and asked her instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.” |
| 19 |
Which historical period has the tidiest shirts?The Iron Age. |
| 20 |
So a guy was in a bar one night when he noticed a fat girl wearing a shirt that said, “Caution, I’m a maneater.”“Excuse me, Miss… about your shirt,” the guy said timidly as he approached the girl.She interrupted him and yelled angrily; “Oh, I’m guessing you’ve come to comment on how fat I am and how I actually eat men. You know, I can’t control my weight. I, too, have feelings, and your comments can be extremely hurtful.”“That’s actually not what I was going to say at all,” the guy said, confused.“Oh..” she replied as a smile started to come across her face. “What were you going to say?”“That’s not how you spell manatee.” |
| 21 |
They found a shirt that says, “I see dead people.”But I can’t wear it because it only fits mediums. |
| 22 |
Did you hear about the wife who took off her shirt during an argument?It was a boobie trap. |
| 23 |
Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?Because he was Lacoste intolerant. |
| 24 |
Remember the kid whose mother bought him a t-shirt saying, “I’m a nudist”?He hasn’t worn it yet. |
| 25 |
Did you hear that Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom-made shirts within 48 hours of ordering?It’s called Tailor Swift. |
| 26 |
What happened when Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention?Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed. |
| 27 |
What do you call a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each?It’s Tic Tactical vest. |
| 28 |
What do you call someone who hung his t-shirt on a crucifix?A cross-dresser. |
| 29 |
Have you heard about the wife and her husband who keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races?It’s their running joke. |
| 30 |
Did you know that Johnny wants to buy a t-shirt that says “Mediocre”?That way everyone knows he is an OK guy. |
| 31 |
A Roman dude went to a new store to buy a shirt.Salesperson: What’s your size?Roman: L, but I think I need a bigger size.Salesperson: No problem.Then the salesperson gives Roman an XL shirt.Roman: Why’d you give me a smaller shirt? |
| 32 |
Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?He had some Twix up his sleeve. |
| 33 |
Remember the guy we saw wearing a T-Shirt that read, “Truth + God = Life”?The mathematician standing nearby explained, Truth = Life – God. |
| 34 |
What did the shirt say to the pants?“What up britches!” |
| 35 |
Why should cops start carrying t-shirt guns?Because nothing gets someone’s hands up like a t-shirt gun. |
| 36 |
Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable. |
| 37 |
What do you call some silly cartoon monkeys on a shirt?NFTee’s. |
| 38 |
What do say to a girl wearing a t-shirt that said, “Guess”?“Implants?” |
| 39 |
What happens when you out to buy a camouflage t-shirt?You cannot find any. |
| 40 |
An office worker went to a store to buy a new shirt,The salesman asked the worker, “Can I offer you this Large shirt?”The office worker replied, “No, I only wear excel.” |
| 41 |
What kind of shirt does a Panzer IV wear?A tank top. |
| 42 |
What kind of shirt does a cop wear?A wife beater. |
| 43 |
What shirt does the astronaut wear?Apollo. |
| 44 |
Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?Because he had some chick-pea all over him. |
| 45 |
What did Lieutenant Worf say when he made rainbow T-shirts with his son?“Today is a good day to dye!” |
| 46 |
What do you call a used shirt from someone from Chernobyl?Third hand. |
| 47 |
What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?“Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!” |
| 48 |
Why did George Michael have chocolate on his shirt?He was careless with his Wispa. |
| 49 |
Two friends were having a conversation after a long time.The first friend said, “That’s a nice-ass shirt you’re wearing.”The second one said, “Thanks. They are called pants, not an ass shirt.” |
| 50 |
What do you call a bear with a shirt on?Tee grizzly. |
| 51 |
What do say when you see a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan “I hate black people” on it?“That’s a little racist.” |
| 52 |
Why does the naked man’s phone never work?No shirt no shoes no service. |
| 53 |
Just saw a baby wearing an “I Love Life” t-shirt.Pretty sure they’ll grow out of it though. |
| 54 |
A shirt walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “What happened? Why so sad?”The shirt says, “Something’s been wearing me down.” |
| 55 |
What size shirt does a plane wear?777X. |
| 56 |
Why did the wet shirt feel betrayed?Because it was hung out to dry. |
| 57 |
What kind of shirts do farmers wear?Crop tops. |
| 58 |
Doctor: You have a severe iron deficiency.Patient: How did you know? I just walked in!Doctor: Your shirt is all wrinkled. |
| 59 |
Why are Thai people deathly afraid of the hippies?Because hippies always wear thai-die shirts. |
| 60 |
Why do burglars only wear striped shirts?Because they don’t want to be spotted. |
| 61 |
What did the t-shirt vendor say to the psychic?“What are you, a medium?” |
| 62 |
What is the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing shorts and a tee shirt?Attire. |
| 63 |
What goes in one hole, and out three others?You, putting on a t-shirt. |
| 64 |
What’s the sexiest part of a shirt?Keanu Sleeves. |
| 65 |
What did the math book wear under her shirt?An algebra. |
| 66 |
What film actor has perfectly creased shirts and slacks?Jeremy Irons. |
| 67 |
A husband was turning 40 soon, and his wife told him that she is getting him four T-shirts for his birthday.He asked her, “Why?”She said, “Because you’re going to be in your 4 T’s.” |
| 68 |
Did you hear about the guard who spilled coffee all over his shirt?He was thankful it wasn’t on his watch. |
| 69 |
Have you guys heard of those new paper T-shirts?They’re tearible. |
| 70 |
What did the bib say to the shirt?“Tonight dinner is on me.” |
| 71 |
What color T-shirt would win a race?Red, because it runs the most. |
| 72 |
How do you get a talkative shirt to be quiet?Button it up! |
| 73 |
If Hollister made a new material for their shirts what would it be called?Holli-ester. |
| 74 |
What do you call two men’s shirt accessories discussing cosmetic procedures?Bow talks. |
| 75 |
Why did the golfer carry two shirts with him?In case he got a hole in one. |
| 76 |
Why was the shirt on the washing line?It was hungover. |